A while back, I got a free T-shirt from a lab somewhere in Pittsburgh that had the slogan "Continuous Improvement" written on it. I liked using it when I went running (somewhat ironically), since I felt like my goal was to work to constantly improve.
While running is a great hobby/habit, applying the concept of continuous improvement to my own well being has been immensely fruitful.
There are periods where I feel like I'm stagnating or making little progress. Sometimes I'll feel like meditation is a waste, and nothing really happens. I'll feel like I'm reverting back to my old ways (like 3 days ago, when I encountered a feeling of agitation and rage that I hadn't felt in at least a year). But like anyone would do with something they're trying to get better at, I press on. Eventually, progress becomes clear.
This week was a great example. I had some very negative periods for a couple days (possibly correlated with a lack of exercise). But today during meditation (which began seeming as though it would be another "useless" session), I overcame a fair amount of distraction (music from campus preview weekend, people constantly coming in and out of the meditation hall, someone snoring while "meditating") and found concentration with mindfulness that was directed towards the conceptualization process. I became acutely aware of the process of my mind conceptualizing various sounds as they happened. It was like I was watching my mind operate.
When someone hit the bell signaling the end of the meditation, a profound sense of joy filled my mind. There was no particular cause, although I think it was because I observed myself conceptualize the sound of the bell, which was incredibly clear. (Hard to explain)
However, "causeless" joy tends to come up a fair amount in meditation, but it doesn't necessarily signal progress. Good evidence of progress is when clarity, mindfulness, joy, altruistic love, happiness, or some combination thereof arise spontaneously without cause. Several hours after ending the meditation, I walked out of a store into the street, and then into a cold, dark alley. Suddenly I felt connected to everything, and my mind filled with joy. I simply breathed in and out, and smiled knowing that my progress is real.
The most inspiring part about this journey -- this development of the mind -- is that there doesn't seem to be any end to progress. The only limits seem to be the ones I place on myself. Improvement is indeed continuous, and deep happiness seems more and more within reach with each passing day
