New blog

Sorry for not making any notice, but this blog is now inactive (as I'm no longer an MBA student :). Check out my new blog here -- http://mindfulprogress.blogspot.com

Even CEOs Want Happiness

The CEO of Warner Music came and spoke to our class today. At the start of his talk, he explained that he entered the music business because he likes a challenge, and thinks it's still possible to win. The class went on to ask the usual types of questions about the industry, the business, and his personal life.

One classmate asked him to describe a typical day at work. He recounted how he usually wakes up around 7, takes the kids to school, works out, heads to the office, sticks around until 7 or 8, comes home, eats, works until 12 or 1, and then sleeps. And then it starts again. Immediately after he said it, he stopped and said in a tone tinged with surprise, "Now that I've just said that, I'm looking at my life and wondering why I do it."

Even with the fancy lifestyle, all the fancy trappings, the networking with bigshots, the power, the money, the success, the recognition -- he still isn't happy. Even CEOs are still looking for happiness. Even with all that they've accomplished, there is still something missing. And without the right focus and right mindset, real happiness will always remain elusive.

Desire

The Buddhist claim is that desire is a fundamental cause of suffering. But you don't need a wise old monk to tell you that. A tremendous amount of music is written by people who lament unfulfilled desires (particularly love), or the desire for their situation to be different.

"I just wanna get next to you" (Al Green, I'm so tired of being alone -- he suffers because he can't get next to the girl/woman he wants)
"I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul" (Radiohead, Creep -- a string of unfulfilled desires)
"You want it all, but you can't have it" (I forget who sang this, but it's clear that the person he's talking about is suffering because he/she "wants it all")

Even looking at song titles of the "top 10" songs, it's pretty obvious ("Just Can't Get Enough" by Black Eyed Peas, etc.)

Never is it clearer that desire is the root of suffering than when you're right in the midst of it. Life is easy when the intensities of our various desires are moderate, but when they rise to unreasonable levels, their ability to cause suffering becomes readily apparent. Today was such a day. But rather than lament the resultant suffering, I felt a new feeling: self-disgust. In simpler terms, I'm fed up with my desires and the suffering they cause. I have renewed conviction to soften (and perhaps someday, eliminate) them.

Here is a haunting reminder from some Buddhist literature that our own desire is the problem, not the external world.

On one occasion, the Buddha was dwelling at a town of the Mallans named Uruvelakappa. Then Bhadraka the headman approached the Buddha, paid homage to him, sat down to one side, and said to him: "It would be good, venerable sir, if the Venerable One would teach me about the origin and the passing away of suffering."
"If, headman, I were to teach you about the origin and the passing away of suffering with reference to the past, saying, 'So it was in the past,' perplexity and uncertainty about that might arise in you. And if I were to teach you about the origin and the passing away of suffering with reference to the future, saying, 'So it will be in the future,' perplexity and uncertainty about that might arise in you. Instead, headman, while I am sitting right here, and you are sitting right there, I will teach you about the origin and the passing away of suffering. Listen and attend closely, I will speak."
"Yes, venerable sir," Vhadraka replied. The Buddha said this:
"What do you think headman? Are there any people in Uruvelakappa on whose account sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair would arise in you if they were to be executed, imprisoned, fined, or censured?"
"There are such people, venerable sir."
"But are there any people in Uruvelakappa on whose account sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair would not arise in you in such an event?"
"There are such people, venerable sir."
"Why is it, headman, that in relation to some people in Uruvelakappa sorrow, lamentation, pain dejection, and despair would arise in you if they were to be executed, imprisoned, fined, or censured, while in regard to others they would not arise in you?"
"Those people in Uruvelakappa, venerable sir, in relation to whom sorrow, lamentation, pain dejection, and despair would arise in me if they were to be executed, imprisoned, fined, or censured -- these are the ones for whom I have desire and attachment. But those people in Uruvelakappa in relation to whom they would not arise in me -- these are the ones for whom I have no desire and attachment."
"Headman, by means of this principle that is seen, understood, immediately attained, fathomed, apply the method to the past and to the future thus: 'Whatever suffering arose in the past, all that arose rooted in desire, with desire as its source; for desire is the root of suffering. Whatever suffering will arise in the future, all that will arise rooted in desire, with desire as its source; for desire is the root of suffering."
"It is wonderful, venerable sir! It is amazing, venerable sir! How well that has been stated by the Venerable One: 'whatever suffering arises, all that is rooted in desire, has desire as its source; for desire is the root of suffering.'
"Venerable sir, I have a son named Ciravasi, who stays at an outside residence. I rise early and send a man, saying, 'Go, man, and find out how Ciravasi is.' Until that man returns, venerable sir, I am upset, thinking, 'I hope Ciravasi has not met with any affliction!"
"What do you think, headman? If Ciravasi were to be executed, imprisoned, fined, or censured, would sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair arise in you?"
"Venerable sir, if Ciravasi were to be executed, imprisoned, fined or censured, even my life would seem futile, so how could sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair not arise in me?"
"In this way too, headman, it can be understood: 'Whatever suffering arises, all that arises rooted in desire, with desire as its source; for desire is the root of suffering.'
"What do you think, headman? Before you saw your wife or heard about her, did you have any desire, attachment, or affection for her?"
"No, venerable sir."
"Then was it, headman, only when you saw her or heard about her that this desire, attachment, and affection arose in you?"
"Yes, venerable sir."
"What do you think, headman? If your wife were to be executed, imprisoned, fined, or censured, would sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair arise in you?"
"Venerable sir, if my wife were to be executed, imprisoned, fined or censured, even my life would seem futile, so how could sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair not arise in me?"
"In this way too, headman, it can be understood: 'Whatever suffering arises, all that arises rooted in desire, with desire as its source; for desire is the root of suffering.'"


(Transltion by Bhikkhu Bodhi, "In the Buddha's Words" Ch. II.3)

Continuous Improvement

A while back, I got a free T-shirt from a lab somewhere in Pittsburgh that had the slogan "Continuous Improvement" written on it. I liked using it when I went running (somewhat ironically), since I felt like my goal was to work to constantly improve.

While running is a great hobby/habit, applying the concept of continuous improvement to my own well being has been immensely fruitful.

There are periods where I feel like I'm stagnating or making little progress. Sometimes I'll feel like meditation is a waste, and nothing really happens. I'll feel like I'm reverting back to my old ways (like 3 days ago, when I encountered a feeling of agitation and rage that I hadn't felt in at least a year). But like anyone would do with something they're trying to get better at, I press on. Eventually, progress becomes clear.

This week was a great example. I had some very negative periods for a couple days (possibly correlated with a lack of exercise). But today during meditation (which began seeming as though it would be another "useless" session), I overcame a fair amount of distraction (music from campus preview weekend, people constantly coming in and out of the meditation hall, someone snoring while "meditating") and found concentration with mindfulness that was directed towards the conceptualization process. I became acutely aware of the process of my mind conceptualizing various sounds as they happened. It was like I was watching my mind operate.

When someone hit the bell signaling the end of the meditation, a profound sense of joy filled my mind. There was no particular cause, although I think it was because I observed myself conceptualize the sound of the bell, which was incredibly clear. (Hard to explain)

However, "causeless" joy tends to come up a fair amount in meditation, but it doesn't necessarily signal progress. Good evidence of progress is when clarity, mindfulness, joy, altruistic love, happiness, or some combination thereof arise spontaneously without cause. Several hours after ending the meditation, I walked out of a store into the street, and then into a cold, dark alley. Suddenly I felt connected to everything, and my mind filled with joy. I simply breathed in and out, and smiled knowing that my progress is real.

The most inspiring part about this journey -- this development of the mind -- is that there doesn't seem to be any end to progress. The only limits seem to be the ones I place on myself. Improvement is indeed continuous, and deep happiness seems more and more within reach with each passing day

(untitled)

May all beings experience the depth of this happiness, the clarity of this moment, and the peace of this mind

A Happy MBA class

Looks like there's an interesting class on happiness at Stanford's GSB. I'd take it if I were there... http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/153/the-business-of-happiness.html

Oxygen mask

This weekend, I gave a simple talk about happiness and its connection to evolution. I focused a lot on our need to work on developing happiness as a sort of "skill" we can improve with effort (rather than simply chasing after what we assume will make us happy). At the end, I talked about how important it was to develop our own happiness, because happiness is "contagious". I gave an example of how I helped my mom stay happy by being happy myself.

When I sat down after the speech, a girl in the row in front of me told me that it reminded her of the instructions they give you for operating the oxygen masks on the airplane: "Please make sure your mask is securely fastened before assisting others".


Of course, she was referring to the idea that we need to be happy ourselves before we can think about trying to help others. I've actually thought the same thing when looking at those flight safety instructions. How can we realistically expect to help others be happy, if we don't fully understand the subtle workings of happiness ourselves?

The pursuit of happiness isn't selfish, so long as you have the right motivations (a focus on the happiness of others). That's actually the reason I still focus on developing my happiness further; I'm already happy enough for my own purposes, but if I truly want to help others find happiness, I need to understand how it works, how to get it, and where it comes from.

TEDxBU

I got the chance to speak on this topic (specifically, how evolution makes it hard to find happiness) at the TEDx conference at BU yesterday. I'll post a video as soon as I get it. It was a great event, with a lot of students speaking. I was really impressed with the quality of the other presenters (especially since I thought "if they let me speak, the others can't be that great..." But I was wrong!).

I think I missed the wave of traffic from the event, but if you were at the conference, please leave a comment on this post with your thoughts. Thanks!

Deep thoughts (by Jack Handy)

I was emailing back and forth with a friend, discussing some "deep" topics. We had a discussion about the point in my life where I realized that I'd always be reasonably happy (no matter what my situation -- rich/poor, alone/with friends, in the US/somewhere else, etc.). After that realization, I knew that there was nothing left to do except try to help others as best I could.

My friend asked why the two were connected. I thought about it, which helped me come up with a much clearer answer:

"i think it was basically seeing that i would be at about the same happiness level no matter my circumstances, so there was no need to do anything further for myself. i was "done" in a way -- finished with trying to improve my own situation. But with all this energy and life left in me, what else is there to do but help others realize the same thing for themselves?"

Back to School

After a month out in Cambodia saving the world, it's back to the "reality" of business school (which, in reality, is probably less like reality than Cambodia).

At the start of my last semester, it's finally apparent that this experience is coming to an end. Semesters always begin slowly, so I've had a bit of time to think: what can I do that would be most effective in furthering my goals? Am I pursuing the right goals? I'm pretty confident that the answer to the latter is yes, since I've spent a lot of time questioning myself for the past few years. Now it's just a matter of getting there.

The slow start has also helped with meditation. I spent about an hour a day for 3 days, and felt like I made more progress towards "real" happiness than I did the entire last semester. I really owe most of it to careful reading of this (free) book, which I think is absolutely amazing. It describes what I had been trying to do for the past few years, but in such a clear and concise way that I've been able to turn it into tangible (and energizing) progress. (If you do end up reading it, make sure to take it slow. I've re-read a lot of sections I didn't understand the first time, and it has really paid off).

One closing thought -- lack of sleep definitely hinders progress towards happiness. Get some rest :) (Or pre-order your Lark here! :) )

A ramp into the clouds (on the Charles)

Laughing at pain

Today while meditating, I had two amazing realizations. They're both well understood to experts, but it was powerful to experience them first hand.

As I sat there, somewhere around 45 minutes in, my leg began to hurt. As I sometimes do, I turned my attention to the pain, which steadily increased. As time passed, the pain became intense, but so long as I paid attention to it, it was manageable.

This time, however, I looked very closely at the sensation of the pain, and noticed there were two parts. One was the pain itself, which had a dull, aching, almost sour quality to it, and was located directly inside my leg. However, there was nothing inherently objectionable about that feeling. The other part was some piece of my mind that was constantly triggering thoughts about getting away from the pain. It wasn't the thoughts themselves; whatever it was lay deep beneath anything conscious. Still, I could see its effects directly. It was spewing a stream of different thoughts aimed at getting me to take action to remove the pain.

Some of the more common ones included "how much longer do I have left before this session is up?", "if i just lean forward a bit, circulation will come back and the pain will lessen", "remember how good it feels when you're done meditating and the pain stops?", "check the clock to see if it's almost time to stop meditating", and "I think it's time to go -- Julia's waiting for you. Let's end this pain". It was amazing how clever this "pain avoidance" part of my brain was. It dressed itself up in all kinds of different thoughts, both direct and indirect, in an attempt to get me to take action. Still, I sat there and watched the pain. And that's when the second realization came.

As the pain intensified, I noticed that my sense of time became much sharper. I was very aware of how long each minute was, and felt worried that it would be a long time before I finished meditating. I began to feel a sense of urgency about a lot of things: urgency to finish meditation, urgency to get up and go do something, urgency to go eat lunch, urgency to go hang out with Julia. For a while, I felt the urgency without noticing it consciously. At some point though, I suddenly became aware of it, and realized that it was completely arbitrary. I saw that it too was arising from my mind's attempt to get me to stop the pain. Once I understood that, I took a good look at the feeling of urgency itself, and it quickly dissipated (very similar to the way that a patch of fog dissolves in the warm sun).

Once I had realized the arbitrary and desperate nature of my mind's attempts to escape pain, I just started laughing (which has never happened to me before during meditation). Despite the intensity of the pain, a deep happiness washed over me, and I couldn't stop smiling if I tried (which has happened before :) ).

Behind that joy and laughter was a profound sense of contentment stemming from the understanding that pain, no matter how intense, can always be overcome. And that follows for all the negative emotions like sadness, anger, greed, hate, depression, jealousy, uncontrollable desire, and so on. All it takes is time, effort, and focus.

I will definitely keep at it.

Don't forget

Today I got caught reading a long Khmer Rouge survival story (that triggered some thoughts).

When we went out to interview people for a sanitation project in rural Cambodia, I sometimes stopped listening as they spoke; I couldn't help but wonder what their eyes had seen during those years.

Back in the US, I find it hard listen to the idle chit-chat about the newest gadgets, random music, or someone's latest startup idea. It's not that thoughts of tragedy make me depressed -- rather, they strengthen my motivation to help. I'm reminded that life is short, and that we must maintain focus on that which is truly meaningful. So many still need the help that we are fully capable of providing (if we could only stop worrying about the little things in our own lives).

Find your inspiration, and make it happen :)